Confusion

I've not written on here for quite some time, but as we all know I make rubbish decisions. It's difficult knowing what you need to do but knowing that you don't want to. I spent years of my life telling myself that I don't want a relationship, that I'm content with being alone. However, finding someone that you just feel right with can easily change that. I guess you can say that's what I've done. It's just a shame he probably doesn't feel the same. I guess I should bring you up to date- basically the guy from before asked for me back (long story short said he missed me, I was horny and voila) the first couple of weeks were perfect, or so it seemed for myself? Maybe it wasn't the same for him. I don't think I'll ever truly know, then now it's as if he's having regrets? Feeling as though it's unfortunate we're together. Making plans with others and myself on the same day at the same time. I guess we will see who he chooses aye? I can't be second choice as much as it upsets me, he isn't allowed to drag me back into his web just to hurt me again. Bleugh

Empty, empty, empty.

Officially my life has been completely turned on its head, not only did I lose my boyfriend but I lost my best friend too, it's finally completely clear that he no longer wants anything to do with me. Not even friendship, that sucks hard.
We got on so well, had such fun together. Yet, I seemingly just didn't make the grade, I didn't cut it. I hope he's happy in whatever or whoever he does, excuse how crude that is. Finally, I hope things sort themselves out for me too, I might just sleep until they do.

On the plus side, I've lost a stone of weight and get my hair sorted tomorrow.

Trapped

I guess I always wonder why I'm here? why I was even born? what's out there for me? What will happen in five years time?
It's saddening to know that I'll never actually know, what's even more saddening is not knowing if you want to?

I'm sick of it being just me, I just want someone to care you know? To give a damn when I'm crying, or even when I'm happy. To want to spend time with me without thinking I'm a burden. I can't envisage that every happening however, so why can't I end it? What's stopping me? What's keeping me from ending everything and not having to worry how I'll spend my life? Not having to worry about what he's doing, whether he's safe? Because after all, why should I care when no one else does?

I get that I'm difficult, but I try. So why can things just not work out once? Just once? Bleugh Bleugh Bleugh. Someone just give me a chance please?

Energy and dedication, where you at?

I just want quick results but these aren't quick enough! What is even happening. Honestly, I'm ready for things to pick themselves up now, but instead nothing is happening? Why is that?
What I'm talking about is everything, my weight loss, like fine so I've lost around eight pounds since starting this, but it isn't visible and according to my scales I'm 31% fat which is higher than it should be! I'm trying so give me results, please?

And secondly, I'm trying to be friends still but its so difficult when he's avoiding talking at times, then others he's lovely. What is this about? God damm it. I'm ready to close my eyes and wake up to a new me with prospects and a sexy body!

Leaky potato

I didn't know what to call this post and since I've just had leak and potato cuppa soup, this is the outcome.
I think today is mostly good, I'm fed up of seemingly 'begging' for friendship. Where's my power at? I want to be the one choosing whether to talk to people not the other way round. FRUSTRATING! Argh
Hey ho, I lost some more weight. That's a positive I'll be attractive soon enough we hope!

How are all you doing?

Finding my category

There are several types of people in the world, those who are: intelligent, rich, 'geek', popular, athletic, musical or attractive. I mean within those there are probably sub-genres that equate to another type of person, but for this post I'm going to stick to those particular ones.
So where do I fit in?
I'm not particularly intelligent anymore, I would probably say I'm of adequate intelligence, but to intelligent people that doesn't matter if you've not got the academics to back it up.
I'm most certainly not rich, nor is it likely that I'll ever be rich.
I'm not geeky enough to be considered a geek, I hate star wars and if I had to choose between watching a game stream and sleeping in the mid morning, I'd probably choose sleep.
As we are all aware I cannot keep friendships so popularity is not my strong point. I'm not musical nor athletic and I am most certainly not attractive.
Yet, I've got to fit in somewhere? So where do I go?
There should be a category for hard workers, but how often do hard workers get anything because of how hard they've tried?

Mad as a hatter.

I'm ever so frustrated with everything atm and truly beginning to run out of titles, no one really cares about my ramblings anyway though.

I think my problem today is that I just wish I could be the person I want to be, I'm just too awkward, I'm not likeable so it alienates me and ruins everything. I try though, don't think for a second I don't, but when you are constantly in your head second guessing what you're saying or doing and have grown up with people constantly telling you that you're destructive and weird, it gets repetitive and eventually you start believing it?

I want to like social situations and get on with people, because I would do anything to make a lot of people happy, but it gets to the point where I'd rather be the one that 'chooses' or seems to choose to be left out, rather than be dumped out in the cold without warning. That's the bit about this that sucks, whenever I let people in, or let them a little closer, then I'm the one that gets hurt. Why does this even happen? What am I meant to do to prevent it? I feel like I could've changed things if I'd bitten my tongue, if I was able to fit in with the majority. It's sad that I don't.
I'm a sad, pathetic excuse for a person.